You might not believe this about me, but I am terrible at break ups. I do breakdowns MUCH better! ;-) I am known as tough and direct and not afraid to get what I want.
Yep!
Unless a break up is involved. Since I was a little girl I have never been able to watch people leave. I hated when friends came over for the night and left the next day. I hated when my Mom would get mad and leave the house. I hated when people moved. And now I hate when a team member leaves or you have to let someone go or swift changes happen.
I don’t like break ups (good or bad). But now at the ripe old age of 41 I know why.
(Unless there is abuse or harm happening) There is no lesson in leaving. You only get the lesson in staying.
But the lesson is the hard part, so it’s easier to go. Easier to stop. Easier to end. And it doesn’t matter if that’s your business, a bad launch, a marriage, friendship or a goal. It’s always easier to leave. And then justify it.
1) It wasn’t right for me.
2) It was hard.
3) They/It were wrong
4) I have to take care of my health
5) I’m just going to start over.
The list goes on.
There is no lesson worth living in leaving, so here are my tips to hang on, hang in, and always come out the better business, the better person, and on the better path.
1) You will never understand who you are, on your deepest level, until you experience the transition of the pain of staying into the joy of healing. It is in the contraction that you learn.
2) Ask yourself: By stopping, leaving, or quitting does that allow me to feel better for 10 minutes or feel better for 10 years?
3) Remind yourself that pain is all the same. This launch failed! My boyfriend broke my heart. I lost my job. Pain is all the same. You are not alone and when you can master pain you become a master of all.
4) Don’t ditch something. Redesign it. I have often had a relationship fail or a biz plan fail and to stop it all would have been stupid. BUT to use it, reevaluate it, and redesign it means I keep all the really good parts and scrap the bad coming out all the better.
5) Realize you will repeat the same mistake over and over for the rest of your life if the mode you take is to avoid it. You have to hang out in the ditch some. You have to figure out your shit some. You have to stay put in the middle of failure or pain of confusion and just stand there… vulnerable… knee deep… and exposed. It is there that you get the answers.
There is no lesson in leaving what you are afraid of, breaking up with your business, or stopping short of your goal. I know for myself I am nothing but a girl who has stayed over and over again no matter how hard. And in the end I am imperfect. I am flawed. I fail. Yet I am here and happy. And I am clear that as hard as I run I simply can’t outrun the truth and in the end that is my ultimate quest.
So, next time you think about leaving why not think about staying. Imagine what you could become of you did.
Breaking up is hard to do. And if it were easy it might be the answer. ;-)
Suzanne Evans, Chief Movement Maker
